Long time no see

Long time no see my fellow foreign blog readers. You may have wondered why I have not been uploading anything in English in a while. Well, the truth is that there is nothing to report actually. What has happened so far is that my manuscript has been sent to another Literary Agency here in Sweden. I am still trying to spark interest here on home turf, ha ha. Then I do not want to create any expectations either as I did last time.

It is hard to write books especially when you having difficulty in dramaturgy, character development, plot turns you name it. I have read multiple books about the topic, but still… I guess I need more time to fully understand what I am doing as a writer. The hero’s journey is not as simple as it sounds. Especially not for me 😛 I almost expect the agent to scolding me, ha ha.

I am ever so grateful for you readers. Now I have between 1,900 – 2,100 unique visitors each month! 😀 I hope to be able to blog more in English in the future but right now I need to focus on the Swedish publishers and get their attention. I will probably make an update here and there meanwhile I am chasing my dream of becoming a fantasy author 🙂

They liked it, but…

“It is undeniably an exciting story and your theme feels just right in time!”

But sadly, my genre was far too small for them. I am so incredibly grateful that they saw something in my manuscript worth liking but I am pretty sad to be honest. So close, yet so far away. To be accepted by a publishing house/literary agent is a rare luxury. I might let Love and Melinde be left alone for a while and write on something else. Though we all know that it is impossible.

Ah, well, time to dust myself off and back in the saddle. I know I am too stubborn to give up my dream.

We have a new record!

Yay! This month I have over 2,000 unique visitors! It may not sound that much to you but this blog have, on average, at least 600 unique visitors each month. So, where are you from? According to statistics I have readers from Sweden, America, France, Great Britain, Canada, Norway, Germany, Denmark, New Zeeland, Australia, Netherlands, Russia and Italy.

Wow, I am truly grateful. I really am. The hardships of writing and beautiful male elves in love seem to arouse interest. I have much to thank Mathia for, though. Without our collaboration I might not have had any readers at all. So, what am I doing? Well, I write a story about two coming elven kings, true love and a dark secret that threatens to tell them apart. My biggest dream is to find a Swedish publishing house or a literary agent who wants to invest in my book. Sadly, same sex desire and fantasy rarely go together in printed form here. I know that homoerotic fantasy is bigger abroad but how do I get there when I use Google translate 24/7?

A little more than two months have passed since I made contact with a literary agent (second). I wonder what they think? The last agent thought that my story was not unique or “wow” enough. Her tone was slightly harsh and almost ironic in the rejection letter.

Whatever the answer is this time, I will continue to work with the manuscript and make it as good as possible. I mean, there must be some who appreciate this genre as much as I do?

Anyhow, I wish all the new readers welcome to my blog! 😀

My nerves

I do not like to wait. Especially when dealing with a manuscript that test its luck with Agencies and such. My work will probably be rejected because how many Swedes would like to read about smexy gay elves and shit? Like, I got loads of it and graphic shit like giving head and frot (okay, enough ranting, ha ha).

Anyway. While struggle with the book the brain concocts new stories (for some reason I can not let go of the world Love and Melinde lives in. It needs to be explored more). Sigh, why is it so hard to concentrate? The agent has not given any response or a plain NO yet so I think that is why. Overthinking at its finest.

I think the story is actually really good though. I was surprised myself after reading what I have written after the break. I hope the readers enjoy it as much as I do.

But my nerves are still a mess.

Ny vecka

Det är svårt att vara produktiv när man samtidigt håller på att gå upp i atomer. Jag vet inte vad som är annorlunda denna gång, mer än att det är en agent som bläddrar i mitt icke originella manus? Detta är förstås ett självvalt självplågeri och jag ska njuta varje sekund av det! För vad gör man inte för kärleken — ahem — att bli antagen? Man väntar. Och väntar. Och väntar lite till. Beredd på att bli besviken som fan för senare gråta ut på bloggen om hur jäkla värdelös man är som aspirerande författare.

Samtidigt som jag går omkring med konstant sug i magen och kollar mailen var femte minut försöker jag ta tag i manuset. Tvivel till trots lyckas jag ändå tjuta av lycka när jag upptäcker hur jäkla bra en del scener är samtidigt som jag tycker i mig salta nötter och russin och klappar katten. Ändå tycks YouTube vara mer lockande än att skriva om hur oborstade sjöbusar och annat slödder röjer omkring nere i hamnen och försätter Love i fara. Fint.

Det är nytt. Det är spännande. Praktiskt taget omöjligt. Ändå kastar man sig in i det utan någon tanke på vart man kommer att landa någonstans (i mitt fall papperskorgen). Jag får nog räkna med att anlita lektör och ta hjälp av mina eminenta testläsare i fortsättningen. Jag tror mycket på personlig kontakt denna gång. Jag tänker inte skicka in Stjärnbärarens önskan på vinst och förlust igen. Visst kan det vara kul att överraska, men samtidigt vill jag vara öppen med vilken genre jag skriver i. 2017 känns dock som ett mycket bra skrivarår för mig. Jag är supertaggad trots skrivkramp och begåvade ursäkter 🙂

Mina nerver just nu.

Oh, the irony

One minute after yesterday’s blog post, I got rejected. In summary, the story was not “wow” enough or unique for them. Yup. Thanks, but no thanks. In other words, my whole writing career is a lie! What I write is not “wow” or innovative, it is shit! Or even worse… Mainstream! 😮 Ha ha, just kidding, but besides the harsh tone they also misspelled the title. Yay!

Chewing on my nails

Oh, well, it is not that bad but nervousness seems to overshadow everything I do. I know how hard it is to be accepted (especially if you write Swedish fantasy) and I am afraid to fail miserably this time too… I have not heard anything from the literary agents yet. Maybe I should make some hot chocolate and not check my email every five minutes, or social media for that matter.

No, I did not tell them about the “smexy gay elves and shit” thingy, but I was honest and said it was homoerotica. Goodreads makes me hopeful. If I was better at English and not used Google translate 24/7 I would have translated my shitty first draft without hesitation.

I feel that I have made progress, found my own voice and the beta readers seems to like my story, but is that enough? There are, as I said, no guarantees. Everything is ultimately about money. It may sound harsh but if there are no readers, there is no reason to accept the manuscript.

Sigh. Why do I love this genre so much? I do not want to give it up quite yet. But if I get fourteen rejections again I will probably write something else that are more mainstream.

Edit: The first agent said No.

The life of a wannabe writer

17 year old me: I am sooo gonna write a bestseller about smexy gay elves and shit!
*10 years later*
Me: I am sooo gonna write a book about beautiful male elves and shit with a twist!

What I thought it would look like…

…what it actually looks like.

When I am out of inspiration.

When I doubt myself to the fullest.

And when the epic music comes on…

When the beta readers read my shitty work.

When publishers read my shitty work.

When I received my 14th and last rejection on my previous work.

When a experienced fantasy reader told me my work is not going to be accepted by a publishing house, ever. Because, uniqueness.

My first contact with a literary agency.
Me: Hey! Hey you! Wanna read about smexy gay elves and shit? I got loads of it!
Them: Eh? Sure…

When my princes finally made sweet tender love under the stars.

When people starts to ship my protagonists as much as I do.

And when my main character is too cute to handle.

When my readers support me through writers’ block and self-pity.When I finally starts to believe in my work, and myself.

1st of December

And it means editing time! 😀 Okay, I cheated and started a little earlier but I got such a flow that I just had to! I also took a risk two weeks ago and sent a bunch of text to two literary Agencys. Yup. I am an idiot sandwich of epic proportions, but hey, no guts no glory! Right? The most common thing to do in Sweden, as an aspiring writer, is to send the whole manuscript directly to publishers. Literary agencies is fairly new here and probably harder to get as a debutant 😛 But it felt so right, though.

Fantasy and fair men who love each other do not seem to be a viable concept in Sweden. Perhaps it would have worked better abroad? I mean, look at all the lists of homoertica/gay love/gay fantasy/gay whatever at Goodreads. I think most of the novels are written by American authors?

My contribution has been placed in a queue and I must expect that it will take between two to three months before I receive a reply. They seemed very professional and nice in their approach. I was surprised to even get a confirmation email, ha ha. I have no expectations in the slightest (ugh, who am I trying to fool…) at least I have become more humble after all the rejections I received on my latest manuscript. It is a challenge to write a story you believe in.