Chewing on my nails

Oh, well, it is not that bad but nervousness seems to overshadow everything I do. I know how hard it is to be accepted (especially if you write Swedish fantasy) and I am afraid to fail miserably this time too… I have not heard anything from the literary agents yet. Maybe I should make some hot chocolate and not check my email every five minutes, or social media for that matter.

No, I did not tell them about the “smexy gay elves and shit” thingy, but I was honest and said it was homoerotica. Goodreads makes me hopeful. If I was better at English and not used Google translate 24/7 I would have translated my shitty first draft without hesitation.

I feel that I have made progress, found my own voice and the beta readers seems to like my story, but is that enough? There are, as I said, no guarantees. Everything is ultimately about money. It may sound harsh but if there are no readers, there is no reason to accept the manuscript.

Sigh. Why do I love this genre so much? I do not want to give it up quite yet. But if I get fourteen rejections again I will probably write something else that are more mainstream.

Edit: The first agent said No.

The life of a wannabe writer

17 year old me: I am sooo gonna write a bestseller about smexy gay elves and shit!
*10 years later*
Me: I am sooo gonna write a book about beautiful male elves and shit with a twist!

What I thought it would look like…

…what it actually looks like.

When I am out of inspiration.

When I doubt myself to the fullest.

And when the epic music comes on…

When the beta readers read my shitty work.

When publishers read my shitty work.

When I received my 14th and last rejection on my previous work.

When a experienced fantasy reader told me my work is not going to be accepted by a publishing house, ever. Because, uniqueness.

My first contact with a literary agency.
Me: Hey! Hey you! Wanna read about smexy gay elves and shit? I got loads of it!
Them: Eh? Sure…

When my princes finally made sweet tender love under the stars.

When people starts to ship my protagonists as much as I do.

And when my main character is too cute to handle.

When my readers support me through writers’ block and self-pity.When I finally starts to believe in my work, and myself.

Elf ears

I. Need. This.

I mean look at them!



Alchemy Gothic continues to deliver super cool jewelry. And now, finally, elf ears! 😀 I have had elf ears in latex but I thought it was too complicated to get them on without swearing, ha ha. Oh, I am so gonna wear them during next book fair (hopefully my ears are not too small). It struck me that many were dressed in fantasy inspired clothing this year at Gothenburg Book Fair. I regret that I did not do the same.


1st of December

And it means editing time! 😀 Okay, I cheated and started a little earlier but I got such a flow that I just had to! I also took a risk two weeks ago and sent a bunch of text to two literary Agencys. Yup. I am an idiot sandwich of epic proportions, but hey, no guts no glory! Right? The most common thing to do in Sweden, as an aspiring writer, is to send the whole manuscript directly to publishers. Literary agencies is fairly new here and probably harder to get as a debutant 😛 But it felt so right, though.

Fantasy and fair men who love each other do not seem to be a viable concept in Sweden. Perhaps it would have worked better abroad? I mean, look at all the lists of homoertica/gay love/gay fantasy/gay whatever at Goodreads. I think most of the novels are written by American authors?

My contribution has been placed in a queue and I must expect that it will take between two to three months before I receive a reply. They seemed very professional and nice in their approach. I was surprised to even get a confirmation email, ha ha. I have no expectations in the slightest (ugh, who am I trying to fool…) at least I have become more humble after all the rejections I received on my latest manuscript. It is a challenge to write a story you believe in.


NaNoWriMo update #3

Done. Form now. Geez, it looks like crap to be honest. Complete chaos! But I have managed to bring down the most essential of the plot on paper. Sigh, I am not going to touch my manuscript until December that is for sure, ha ha! 😀




I will probably plan book 2 right away and make a brief synopsis of it, but write something different, like short stories, to get some distance from my fantasy world. But Since Christmas shopping has started, I have very much to do at work so I probably will not have time to write anything anyway 😛

Thankfully, I get the time to edit the Starkeeper’s wish next month 🙂

NaNoWriMo update #2

Failure is always an option.

Gosh, I cannot believe that I soon will reach 40 000 words. My manuscript is, well, very messy, but oh I love it! Right now I find myself at a brothel surrounded by deadly courtesans and dark  magic. In the lower streets of Ro, you never know what you will find 😉 Love and Melinde continue to discover each other and then a wild plot twist appeared and I was like: okay…? 😮 Oh, drama…

Well, let us keep up the good work! A little less than half of November has passed and I feel very excited about my story! I am trying not to think too much about literary agents and such even if I want some kind of approval from them. Like, why should I continue if nobody likes it? Stupid thoughts, but I will try to keep them at bay.

NaNoWriMo update #1

So… I am writing. Like, a lot. Soon I will reach 40 000 words! 😮 Oh my… I do nothing but write, ha ha. Sometimes I need to convince myself that it does not need to be great at first attempt.

My manuscript looks like a battlefield right now. It is chaos! But NaNoWriMo is all about creating routines and just write. Editing can be done later 🙂

Well, back to work!

Rise a pokémon while writing?

NaNoWriMo is fast approaching and I found the cutest and nerdiest word counter ever (you need an account and an active novel on NaNoWriMo to get one). As you can see there is a poké egg on Lv. 0 to the right. Every time you update your word count on NaNoWriMo your pokémon will level up! 😀 I am still not sure if it will work but hopefully the egg will hatch in November. I think this is a great motivator. Beacuse I have shoosen a bird pokémon I cannot wait to start, ha ha!

You can find more information here.

Anyway. I have started to outline my manuscript for the third time and trying to prepare myself mentally for November. This time I need almost military discipline to finish my shitty first draft on time, but hell yeah, this going to be awesome!

More common questions

For what reason do you blog in English?
Because half of my readership live outside of Sweden. Many of my readers have found this blog through Mathia’s Deviantart 🙂

Your book will be released in English? Right?
Sadly, there is no guarantees. Much depends on if an agent finds my book interesting enough to take it abroad. It is not even sure that I get it published in Sweden either.

From where comes your blog readers?
All over the world! 😀 Nah, not exactly, but Sweden, USA, Canada, England and Germany tops the list.

When will you start vloging?
I am tempted to start even now but I have a lot to do at the moment. Work and school goes first, but maybe I will film a teaser?

When do you think your shitty first draft will be done?
Never…? Ha ha, but if I pull myself together I think it will be done before end of this year.

New homoerotic art…?
I am sorry to say it, but I think it will probably take a while before you get to see some new illustrations on this blog (the waiting list is two years long).